http://policejokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php http://policejokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080524-201029
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the chief of police is a good, personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."]]> http://policejokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080512-201922
God greets them and asks, "When you are laid out in your casket, and your fellow officers and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first cop says, "I would like to hear them say, that I was the bravest cop on the force."

The second police officer says, "I would like to hear that I was a terrific cop who died in the line of duty."

The last cop replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!"]]> http://policejokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080505-212413
Gee, officer! That's terrific. The officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!

Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.

So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?

Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to the .44 magnum in my glove compartment.

When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile pretty for the video.

Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?]]> http://policejokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080505-212044
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

Hi Officer, Do you mind holding my beer while I find my driver's license?

You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

"Bad Cop! No Donut!"

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars.

You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?

I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket]]> http://policejokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080425-212032 But it also lit up her arm, too!

Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street.

A police car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.

When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, "My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm." ]]> http://policejokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080415-212603
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"

"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.

"Yes.." the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch them all?"]]> http://policejokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080405-211835
What the driver didn't know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks away.

Policeman: "License, registration and proof of insurance please."

Driver: "Before I give it to you, tell me what the heck you stopped me for."

Policeman: "Watch your tone sir; you ran the stop sign back there."

Driver: "Man, I slowed down, what the heck is the difference?"

The police officer pulled out his night stick and began smashing it over the man's head and shoulders.

Policeman: "Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop?]]> http://policejokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080404-210004
"What did you take?" his priest asked.

"Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake."

"This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?"

"No, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber."]]> http://policejokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080321-003540 The cop got out of his car and the young man rolled down his window.

“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.

The guy replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”
]]> http://policejokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080313-211830 The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner." No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner!"

Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"

"Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially since this was a bus stop."]]>