A juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police.

"What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer.

"I juggle them in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.

A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"

A police car pulls up in front of grandma house, and grandpa gets out.

The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home. "

Oh dear ", said grandma, "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! How could you get lost?

"Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Granpa whispered, "I wasn't lost. I was just too tired to walk home."

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Wilbur - who was not exactly the sharpest tack in the bucket went in to try out for the job.

"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Wilbur, what is 1 and 1?"

"11" he replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."

"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"

"Today and tomorrow."

He was again surprised that Wilbur supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

"Now Wilbur, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

Wilbur looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, Wilbur wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Wilbur was exultant.

"It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

A policeman stops a woman and asks to see her driving licence.
‘Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses when driving.’

‘Well,’ replies the woman, ‘I have contacts.’

‘Lady, I don’t care who you know, your still going to get a ticket.’